Jedi Mind Tricks

I've been going up and down on the scale :-/. I bought a new scale yesterday, since I stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings. Last Tuesday, I weighed in (at my mom's house) at 199, which was somewhat a shock since I think I went over my points allowance the week before. This morning, I weighed myself on my new scale and clocked in at 196.5. So technically, that would make a loss of eight pounds. While I would like to rejoice in this loss, I'm not sure where its coming from. I like the fact that I can fall off and get back on without completely destroying all of my hard work. It also makes me wonder how much I would have loss if I hadn't had those weeks where I know my flex points value was more like...oh...55 as opposed to 35. I think the key is portion control...DUH! But most of the time, when I go over, its not like..."I've already had too much so I'm going to go all out and have everything in life". Normally, its like...I'll have one drink. Okay, maybe three...but now I'm done. Or..I had a crescent roll (my nemesis)...okay, two...okay three. This may not seem like control. But for me it is something close. Because normally, I would have eaten the remaining rolls. This time I left one...once I realized what I was doing. You can't lose weight doing this.

The other things that have helped are water and exercise. I started working out this week...striving for 30-45 minutes of cardio everyday and toning. Plus, I drink TONS of water. I have water at almost every meal and strive to have two full water bottles every day (32 oz each). Water helps keep me from snacking on things too. I have some light popcorn with me now, also to keep me away from the Hershey's kisses that are everywhere in the office. Snap: last week, I had like...10 hershey's kisses. I knew they were some points but I didn't know how many. I looked it up in the planner. I saw that a Hershey's kiss was five points. I was like WHAT?!? And I had 10 of these??? Damn. I looked again on Monday, only to realize that a SERVING of hershey's kisses were five points. Which is 9 kisses. While I don't fear them anymore, I normally have one a day. They're small but bery difficult to walk past. I think that's it for now.

Goal: Exercise 5 days/ week. Stick to the plan and don't just try to wash everything from the previous week away with a flush.

Backsliding

It started last week when I made the pineapple upside down cake for my boyfriend. Had I not spent the day over there I probably wouldn't have had two slices (or the plantain and steak tips from the Puerto Rican restaurant). I think Wednesday may have gone significantly better, I was getting myself back on track. Thursday, my family came up for graduation and I didn't prepare correctly (or exercise enough willpower) at the Italian restaurant so that didn't go well. Friday, I was good until we got to the seafood restaurant. Let's just say this has been a bad week. So I've decided to recommit myself tomorrow (in recognition of the last weigh-in). We'll see how much damage I did. It's going to be hard yet again because I have two graduation parties to go to this weekend :/ and I know there's going to be delicious food to eat. What to do, what to do? Refocus.

My Boyfreind's Back

So, I weighed in at the WW meeting. I lost 4.6 pounds in my first week. I was doing really well until my boyfriend and his roommates returned from Bermuda and wanted to go to the Puerto Rican restaurant down the street from their apartment. Because I was starving and I didn't want to leave him, I went with them. I sat there for about twenty minutes as they ordered their food, trying to figure out what i could eat that would not throw me of the plan. I ended up getting some steak tips and plantains. I made my boyfriend a pineapple upside down cake, ended up having two slices. On the way to the grocery store to get some food that I actually can have (and not worry about counting points), I told my boyfriend about my WW efforts. He was glad I told him but I also let him know that I need him to hold me accountable. So no more pineapple upside down cake. I have to find out the point values for that when I get back to my room. I have to stick to things strong this week when my family comes so I can keep up the weight loss. Wish me luck!

Weight Watching and Pop Lockin...

So I decided to separate this blog from my regular blog, partially because I don't want my weight-loss documentation to overtake the other fun spicy things going on in my life. After getting back from my cruise, I decided to really commit to weight loss, via Weight Watchers. I've long since gotten used to being the big girl in the group. All of my friends are smaller than me. Monique is probably the thickest but she has the huge breasts, as small waist and a big butt and thick thighs...basically the ideal black woman body (or maybe my ideal black woman body). Used to being bigger all my life, lost weight with Atkins, but wasn't able to keep it off. And I didn't add exercise so I was still fluffy. I had gotten down to 170 but I was still a size 12/14. Maybe that's not unreasonable but I think my ideal is a size 10/12. I want to be able to shop at New York and Co., Limited, maybe not Express (it's a bit expensive), Ann Taylor, H&M. Not have to go to the plus sized sections. Granted, shopping in Lane Bryant makes me feel small because I don't need a size 20 (I'm actually at the smaller side in LB), but I don't want to have to go into that store.

My boyfriend has told me that he'll love me regardless of what size I am. I believe him but it's not about my ability to attract men. I have since decided that my weight is really an issue in attracting men. I need this for myself.... :-/

So I started Weight Watchers last week. I went to a meeting and was probably the youngest person there. I definitely wasn't the heaviest but I wondered how things will be when I eventually have to reveal that I'm on WW. Will people judge me, will they be supportive? I think this ties into my tendency to keep things that I need to be held accountable for (school, etc.). Anyway, its different having people who don't know me like that, know all my credentials, etc. to hold me accountable. And to know I'm not the only one who's going to see that number on the scale. Hopefully, that will inspire me. I started buying more food for myself and I cooked today for myself and a friend. Tried out a new recipe, which my friend (who's not on WW), thoroughly enjoyed. I was proud of myself...my cooking is okay but I don't really enjoy it. Trying to explain WW to another friend over dinner yesterday, while I negotiated not having wine sauce on my mussels and why I wouldn't be having a mojito. I didn't want to tell them I was doing WW because that would show an actual acknowledgement of me having an issue with my weight. I would rather secretly lose the weight and surprise the world. Portion control. It's an interesting concept. Not beasting...that's new. Hmm...once I learn how to put up a blurred "before" image, I shall...and maybe put up a new image every ten pounds. Wait, I may be getting ahead of myself. Let me break 200 first.