So I decided to separate this blog from my regular blog, partially because I don't want my weight-loss documentation to overtake the other fun spicy things going on in my life. After getting back from my cruise, I decided to really commit to weight loss, via Weight Watchers. I've long since gotten used to being the big girl in the group. All of my friends are smaller than me. Monique is probably the thickest but she has the huge breasts, as small waist and a big butt and thick thighs...basically the ideal black woman body (or maybe my ideal black woman body). Used to being bigger all my life, lost weight with Atkins, but wasn't able to keep it off. And I didn't add exercise so I was still fluffy. I had gotten down to 170 but I was still a size 12/14. Maybe that's not unreasonable but I think my ideal is a size 10/12. I want to be able to shop at New York and Co., Limited, maybe not Express (it's a bit expensive), Ann Taylor, H&M. Not have to go to the plus sized sections. Granted, shopping in Lane Bryant makes me feel small because I don't need a size 20 (I'm actually at the smaller side in LB), but I don't want to have to go into that store.
My boyfriend has told me that he'll love me regardless of what size I am. I believe him but it's not about my ability to attract men. I have since decided that my weight is really an issue in attracting men. I need this for myself.... :-/
So I started Weight Watchers last week. I went to a meeting and was probably the youngest person there. I definitely wasn't the heaviest but I wondered how things will be when I eventually have to reveal that I'm on WW. Will people judge me, will they be supportive? I think this ties into my tendency to keep things that I need to be held accountable for (school, etc.). Anyway, its different having people who don't know me like that, know all my credentials, etc. to hold me accountable. And to know I'm not the only one who's going to see that number on the scale. Hopefully, that will inspire me. I started buying more food for myself and I cooked today for myself and a friend. Tried out a new recipe, which my friend (who's not on WW), thoroughly enjoyed. I was proud of myself...my cooking is okay but I don't really enjoy it. Trying to explain WW to another friend over dinner yesterday, while I negotiated not having wine sauce on my mussels and why I wouldn't be having a mojito. I didn't want to tell them I was doing WW because that would show an actual acknowledgement of me having an issue with my weight. I would rather secretly lose the weight and surprise the world. Portion control. It's an interesting concept. Not beasting...that's new. Hmm...once I learn how to put up a blurred "before" image, I shall...and maybe put up a new image every ten pounds. Wait, I may be getting ahead of myself. Let me break 200 first.
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