Easing...

Ease on..ease on..down the road.

Last week I weighed in at 180. This week, I stepped on the scale and measured 177. Three pounds down. :) I went to DC and my boyfriend waited until I got there to go grocery shopping so he could buy things that were on my plan. He also kept asking me how many points I had left, which helped me keep in mind how much I could have to eat when we went to my sister's house, or when we bought snacks. I wanted to get a KitKat, thought about the four points that would cost me, and decided against it. We also got some low fat brownies :). So for breakfast/ lunch, we had salmon, eggs, and sweet potatoes. And eggs and ham for breakfast the next day. Salmon, cabbage, and brown rice for dinner. It felt good to be back on track.

A friend from high school is organizing a post-Christmas get-together. My friends from high school have seen me at different weights, at my largest, smallest, and all places in between. Nonetheless, I would like to be 175 or less, with a great outfit... STUNTING! So that's my goal. Figure out what I have in my closet (cause I don't have the money to buy anything new unless something wonderful appears under the Christmas tree :) ). So that's my goal. I went to the gum on Tuesday and Wednesday and hope to make it at least 2-3 more times before my next weigh-in. Guess I'll go fill up my water bottle again. It's good to have support.

Post Turkey Day

Today was my weigh-in day: 180 lbs. This wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't gotten down to 175. But I was at that weight for about a month, because I wasn't working out and was pretty much eating what I wanted to. So to see the scale go back up to 180 didn't really surprise me, even though it hurt. I did so well over the summer; thats when I had the most consistent weight loss. But now, it's like I can't get back in the groove. My boyfriend doesn't hold me accountable anymore and I'm not holding myself accountable either. I've also noticed that if I start using points on Wednesday, they tend to add up much faster. Also, I've become lazy in terms of cooking and re-heating food (which has also added up to more money spent on food). The fresh produce in Jersey sucks (another excuse) so I haven't had as much around the house as a snack. So what's the plan to get back on track? I'm thinking on it. I wanted to be down to 170 by Thanksgiving. Ahem. Right. I told myself that I wanted to be 170 for Christmas. Is it possible to lose 10lbs in three weeks? Probably so, but the healthiness of such a move is questionable. So I'm going to aim for my 30 lb mark: 174.6 (or 174 for good measure). I really would like to hit my goal my birthday in mid-March. Of around 155-160. So the goals for this week are:

1) Use no points on Wednesday
2) Drink more water
3) Buy foods I can eat and save
4) Work out 4 out of 7 days
5) Cook! Order/ eat out for as few meals as possible even it means buying a can of fruit or something to keep me from getting a sandwich from Subway (save money and today's Wednesday).

I would like to lose 2 lbs by next Wednesday. I'm going to DC this weekend but since my bf and I are both broke, we shouldn't be eating out like that. It just means I need to pack healthy snacks b/c we tend to want to eat while we're laying around and the next thing you know, we're eating Chinese food or something. Sigh. Hopefully, our state of brokeness will keep us from buying things like chocolate chip cookies and wine. FOCUS. That's what I'm aiming for.

Been a While

I know it's been a while since I've last blogged. I've bottomed/ plateaued at 179-180. This isn't because the plan isn't working; it's because I've stopped working. One week I completely gave up (plantains, Popeye's, lots of alcohol, Cheddar Bay biscuits, fried chicken, cookies, burgers, etc). Other weeks, I completely fall off on the weekends. I seem to have lost the discipline I once had when I first started. So I have to kick this off again. It's going to be hard b/c I'm going to be out of town this weekend at a big event, where I will be exposed to all kinds of alcohol and wonderful tasting treats. I'm going to really focus on saving up all my flex points for the weekend this time. For real. I have to get some things out of my house. The other issue is that I need to either schedule my work so that I have a chance to eat before I go and right when I get off. The other thing is that traveling hours by car makes you want to have things to munch on. But I'm going to try to get a microwave soon so I can pop popcorn and not get tempted by things like chips or fries.

I have to go back to the gym too: well, today was the first day back at the gym. I don't want to get comfortable at this weight (cause I never stay at this weight for long). This is my comfortable weight though, one that I reach most often. I've been here many times before. But my weight always eases back up, when I return to my regular eating habits. Which I'm trying not to do. So I have to summon up the willpower to avoid cookies, burgers, fries, cake, etc. I could do this before. And bread. But I think that also comes from allowing myself to have these things occassionally. I don't do well depriving myself of bread for extended periods of time. I like it...yes i do :)

The next goal is 170 by Thanksgiving. So that gives me about 6 weeks to lose around 9-10 lbs. Which I don't think is impossible, I just need to focus. My goal was 168 for the semester (I randomly wrote that down on a to-do list when trying to establish goals for the semester). This clearly doesn't match but I'm ready to get to maintenance (my goal is like 155, but I have to see how I feel at that size. Right now, I don't feel much smaller :-/ though I know I am from where I was three months ago.)

I'm done for now. :-|

When Two Become One...

Remember that Spice Girls song "When Two Become One"? I bought another scale today, just to see if I was crazy or my scale was wildly inaccurate. Well, apparently its not inaccurate. I weigh the same on both. 188...clothed. After a full day's meal. Interesting...that's what I weighed this morning naked...hmm.

Right. I've accepted that the entire month of August I fell off track. Literally. Probably the same weight at the beginning of September that I was at the beginning of August, which is a little frustrating, especially considering my goal of hitting 184-185 (which would be 20lbs for me). But I enjoyed the Ethiopian food, pineapple cake, regular cake, pound cake, burgers, fries, White Castle Chicken Rings, etc. I went grocery shopping today. Bout my Core plan foods, fruit, lean meat, brown pasta, etc. I'm looking forward to getting back on track. I just have to keep a close eye on things and exercise that discipline I had at the end of May/ beginning of June. That discipline that let me just walk past the cookie, and be okay with it. That's how I lost four pounds in that first week. I can do it. Plus hopefully, I'll get my ID tomorrow and be able to start going to the gym. I really excited about that, cause its like...a seven minute walk away. Let's hope I can keep my eyes on the prize and lose eight pounds in..25 days. Can I do it?

Off Balance

So it's been a while since I last blogged. I am now down to 187, allegedly. I moved about two weeks ago and haven't really been eating right since. I went grocery shopping yesterday, in hopes that having the right foods will put me back on track. The only thing is..I keep losing weight. It's not monumental amounts but I'm not completely confident in my scale anymore...since the move. I'm afraid that it's been thrown off balance. I have to keep it out of sight too, because my weighings start becoming compulsive. It's something I do every morning, which is not good. Am I going to have to buy another scale? I hope not. I was thinking about getting a cheap one to see if it gave me a remotely close reading. I stepped on it one day (after having several slices of pizza the night before) and it said 185.5. As much as I would like to believe my body is just metabolizing and getting rid of stuff that quickly..it's not. I just need to really get back on track. I've been eating out more, not even making an effort to eat what I'm supposed to be eating. Today, I had a McChicken and three cookies. Why? Cause I wasn't feeling well. None of that made me feel any better....I don't know what's going on. But it doesn't have to continue to carry on. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm back on the plan. Cause I have like..35 lbs to lose!!

In my new neighborhood, I have been doing a lot of walking though. Walking to campus, to the train station, just trying to get a feel for where I am. And also squeeze in some exercise. But, the BF is coming this weekend, and since we're both trying to watch our money, we most likely won't be eating out. :) So I get to impose all of my Core plan foods upon him. Muahahahhaa.

That's all for now. Hopefully, by the time of my gathering with my friends next weekend I will be...I don't know. Still aiming for hitting my 20 lb mark by the first Wednesday in September. And still aiming for 180 by the event at the end of the Sept...once I find out the accuracy of this scale.

Bursting at the Seams

So I still had to buy a suit for that gosh darn board meeting. I went to Belk's, cause it was close...and was summarily dismayed at the prices. I've hit the ten pound mark at this point but was also dismayed that I couldn't fit a regular 16. BUT the eighteen's were too big, so that was a small victory. I found a nice lined linen suit for a really good price and ended up having to safety pin the waist because it was so big. :)

Only lost one pound this week, but considering what I had this weekend, I'm okay with that. I've been hitting the gym regularly and maybe that's why I can fit into some of the "Too Small Suitcase" clothes. I have on a pair of pants that I could get into at my previous weight but...they were definitely hugging...TIGHT. So I tried a pair of jean capris when I went out Sunday. They're stretch so I knew they would be snug but I could definitely tell the difference. I didn't have to suck things in to the get the zipper up like the last time I had worn them. And I didn't feel like I was bursting at the seams. I've worn a few other things from this suitcase this week. The capris I have on now, I remember a picture from Kenya where I had these on....and you could see how they were fitting around the panty-line. I can't explain it any better. Mind you, they're not falling off my body but they definitely look better today than they did then. I delight in the small things.

Hopefully, I can hit the 15 pound mark next week. Hitting the gym before I go hang out wiht a homie tonight. Hoping to stay ON THE PLAN!!! AHHH!! I keep thinking about Labor Day with my homies and another event at the end of September. I'm trying to analyze what would be a good goal for that point. I'm thinking 175-180. I don't know what these weeks hold, with going-away parties and moving and all. I've lost 2 lbs in a week before so that would technically put me at 172 but..thats with a consistent 2 lbs per week. So I'm going to go with a classy 180 by the end of September. That gives me a lot of room to work with :)

That is all. OH I finally saw Phat Girlz. Well, kinda. I wasn't there for the whole movie. I love seeing men loving thick women. But I like that they were still trying to lose weight, so it wasn't just "I'm big, beautiful and loving it...and planning to stay this way despite it being unhealthy." You've got to love yourself regardless...I can appreciate that. Interesting that the big girl lovers were African...might be time for another trip to the motherland. :)

Summer Business

Weighed in this morning. Lost 2.5 pounds which is definitely not bad. 1.9 away from the 15 lb mark. :) Have to buy some "summer business" clothes for Friday's board meeting. I've been avoiding Marshall's, TJMaxx, Old Navy, etc. because I don't want to buy any new clothes for a while. (Bad enough my money seeps out of my pocket on books and other stuff). But my boss informed me that I need to attend the board meeting on Friday, in proper attire. So I guess I'll be at Marshall's or Ross or somewhere relatively cheap getting me some clothes that are business but I won't catch fire in. Plus clothing shopping can be discouraging, especially if you are still the same clothing size you were ten pounds ago. I'll still be sixteen. It would be great to be a 14 when I buy something new. But I'm being forced. Grrr.

Oops...

Hehehe. I wanted to post about my weekend apartment hunting. I only lost .5 pound last week, which was surprising. Actually, when I weighed in on Wednesday, I had gained 1.5 pounds, but on Thursday, I saw a .5 loss...so that's what I went with. Hey! Don't judge me. I need to be moderately encouraged. So I stood on my scale thinking "what happened? I know I kinda messed up on Saturday but...and a little on Sunday but..."

Here's what happened.

Two of my friends and I went out Friday just to get a drink. I didn't want to waste my points on alcohol, especially since I still had to drive. But I didn't want a water or Diet Coke. So I got some sort of fruit smoothie (which was still...really...a waste of points). Mind you, earlier that day, I had this delicious salad from Panera Bread...that had pecans on it. I was thinking that those wouldn't be that bad, though I didn't know their Points value. Plus I had the bread on the side that I was like...oh its only 2 Points (I think). So we have the pecan, the bread and the fruit smoothie. On Friday.

Saturday, the bf and I had lunch at some Tavern and we both had shrimp for an appetizer and a burger and fries. We had been discussing getting some dessert but for some reason, decided against it. We ate later at my friend's house, Jamaican beef patties, fruit...I had about 6 beef patties.

Sunday...we went to Wendy's. Did I order a salad? No. Chicken nuggets for four points? No. A spicy chicken salad. And fries. And a diet coke :)....and a new Vanilla Frostie :(. Then there was teh meal at Friday's...the alcoholic mixed drink, split a plate of fried calamari, that deep dish pizza (pepperoni and mushrooms...i can have mushrooms :) ). Yeah. When you think about it like THAT...I can see why it was so significant.

It adds up. This week has been a lot better though. I'll let you know how the weight check tomorrow goes. See if I made up for that 72-hour "freebie" I gave myself a little while ago.

Dime Piece!

10 lbs down! Hooray. I don't think I look much different but my mom says my face is a little thinner. That could be that motherly love coming out...telling you what you want to hear. But she did tell me that she's noticed that I've cut down my portions. I used to clear a plate. Two of them. I would clear the first one (which would have decent sized servings..whole chicken breast, 1.5-2 large spoons of rice, lots of vegetables...two-three pieces of bread [throughout the meal for the bread]) then go back for a second one. The second one would usually have normal portions on it. But again..that's after the first one. Appetite has never been an issue for me. Never had to worry about me ordering something and not eating all of it. I had to be STUFFED to stop eating. Parents: don't teach your kids this clear your plate thing, especially with portions getting bigger and bigger. You'll find yourself on Maury talking about how your children eat a bucket of chicken for snack. Totally inappropriate.

It's nice that its been noticed. I've been noticing things as well. I don't do well with portion control and alcohol. As in, I don't control my portions of alcohol well. One thing I will have to worry about this weekend when I go to a friend's housewarming....Hmm. Lite beer? A small glass of wine perhaps? I don't know.

Anyway, I think I'll be more excited about the weight loss when it gets more substantial. 196 was my high last time I lost a significant amount of weight. So to get down to that number makes me step back and say...dang, you reallllly got big this time. I think it will be a while before I get to a weight I'm comfortable with. Again, I'm thinking something like 40- 50 lbs. Let me get to a number I don't remember seeing since I was 16. But I'm working out this time, so hopefully I'll lose some of the fluff. I am hoping though..that by August...I can fit into my too-small-clothes suitcase. I have a suitcase of clothes that (I think) I could fit last summer. I bought them at the beginning of last summer. And I don't have a habit of buying clothes that don't fit. But I can't remember my weight then. Upper eighties, low nineties? Maybe. I really can't remember. But that sounds like a good goal for end of July/ August. My goal is 180. Again, another number I've seen before, that I've looked at myself and said "I want to lose weight." I can't remember a time when I didn't want to lose weight. When it wasn't a niggling thought in the back or front of my mind. That would be nice. I'd like to have a muscle sticking out, somewhere. I'm tired of being fluffy. :(

Jedi Mind Tricks

I've been going up and down on the scale :-/. I bought a new scale yesterday, since I stopped going to Weight Watchers meetings. Last Tuesday, I weighed in (at my mom's house) at 199, which was somewhat a shock since I think I went over my points allowance the week before. This morning, I weighed myself on my new scale and clocked in at 196.5. So technically, that would make a loss of eight pounds. While I would like to rejoice in this loss, I'm not sure where its coming from. I like the fact that I can fall off and get back on without completely destroying all of my hard work. It also makes me wonder how much I would have loss if I hadn't had those weeks where I know my flex points value was more like...oh...55 as opposed to 35. I think the key is portion control...DUH! But most of the time, when I go over, its not like..."I've already had too much so I'm going to go all out and have everything in life". Normally, its like...I'll have one drink. Okay, maybe three...but now I'm done. Or..I had a crescent roll (my nemesis)...okay, two...okay three. This may not seem like control. But for me it is something close. Because normally, I would have eaten the remaining rolls. This time I left one...once I realized what I was doing. You can't lose weight doing this.

The other things that have helped are water and exercise. I started working out this week...striving for 30-45 minutes of cardio everyday and toning. Plus, I drink TONS of water. I have water at almost every meal and strive to have two full water bottles every day (32 oz each). Water helps keep me from snacking on things too. I have some light popcorn with me now, also to keep me away from the Hershey's kisses that are everywhere in the office. Snap: last week, I had like...10 hershey's kisses. I knew they were some points but I didn't know how many. I looked it up in the planner. I saw that a Hershey's kiss was five points. I was like WHAT?!? And I had 10 of these??? Damn. I looked again on Monday, only to realize that a SERVING of hershey's kisses were five points. Which is 9 kisses. While I don't fear them anymore, I normally have one a day. They're small but bery difficult to walk past. I think that's it for now.

Goal: Exercise 5 days/ week. Stick to the plan and don't just try to wash everything from the previous week away with a flush.

Backsliding

It started last week when I made the pineapple upside down cake for my boyfriend. Had I not spent the day over there I probably wouldn't have had two slices (or the plantain and steak tips from the Puerto Rican restaurant). I think Wednesday may have gone significantly better, I was getting myself back on track. Thursday, my family came up for graduation and I didn't prepare correctly (or exercise enough willpower) at the Italian restaurant so that didn't go well. Friday, I was good until we got to the seafood restaurant. Let's just say this has been a bad week. So I've decided to recommit myself tomorrow (in recognition of the last weigh-in). We'll see how much damage I did. It's going to be hard yet again because I have two graduation parties to go to this weekend :/ and I know there's going to be delicious food to eat. What to do, what to do? Refocus.

My Boyfreind's Back

So, I weighed in at the WW meeting. I lost 4.6 pounds in my first week. I was doing really well until my boyfriend and his roommates returned from Bermuda and wanted to go to the Puerto Rican restaurant down the street from their apartment. Because I was starving and I didn't want to leave him, I went with them. I sat there for about twenty minutes as they ordered their food, trying to figure out what i could eat that would not throw me of the plan. I ended up getting some steak tips and plantains. I made my boyfriend a pineapple upside down cake, ended up having two slices. On the way to the grocery store to get some food that I actually can have (and not worry about counting points), I told my boyfriend about my WW efforts. He was glad I told him but I also let him know that I need him to hold me accountable. So no more pineapple upside down cake. I have to find out the point values for that when I get back to my room. I have to stick to things strong this week when my family comes so I can keep up the weight loss. Wish me luck!

Weight Watching and Pop Lockin...

So I decided to separate this blog from my regular blog, partially because I don't want my weight-loss documentation to overtake the other fun spicy things going on in my life. After getting back from my cruise, I decided to really commit to weight loss, via Weight Watchers. I've long since gotten used to being the big girl in the group. All of my friends are smaller than me. Monique is probably the thickest but she has the huge breasts, as small waist and a big butt and thick thighs...basically the ideal black woman body (or maybe my ideal black woman body). Used to being bigger all my life, lost weight with Atkins, but wasn't able to keep it off. And I didn't add exercise so I was still fluffy. I had gotten down to 170 but I was still a size 12/14. Maybe that's not unreasonable but I think my ideal is a size 10/12. I want to be able to shop at New York and Co., Limited, maybe not Express (it's a bit expensive), Ann Taylor, H&M. Not have to go to the plus sized sections. Granted, shopping in Lane Bryant makes me feel small because I don't need a size 20 (I'm actually at the smaller side in LB), but I don't want to have to go into that store.

My boyfriend has told me that he'll love me regardless of what size I am. I believe him but it's not about my ability to attract men. I have since decided that my weight is really an issue in attracting men. I need this for myself.... :-/

So I started Weight Watchers last week. I went to a meeting and was probably the youngest person there. I definitely wasn't the heaviest but I wondered how things will be when I eventually have to reveal that I'm on WW. Will people judge me, will they be supportive? I think this ties into my tendency to keep things that I need to be held accountable for (school, etc.). Anyway, its different having people who don't know me like that, know all my credentials, etc. to hold me accountable. And to know I'm not the only one who's going to see that number on the scale. Hopefully, that will inspire me. I started buying more food for myself and I cooked today for myself and a friend. Tried out a new recipe, which my friend (who's not on WW), thoroughly enjoyed. I was proud of myself...my cooking is okay but I don't really enjoy it. Trying to explain WW to another friend over dinner yesterday, while I negotiated not having wine sauce on my mussels and why I wouldn't be having a mojito. I didn't want to tell them I was doing WW because that would show an actual acknowledgement of me having an issue with my weight. I would rather secretly lose the weight and surprise the world. Portion control. It's an interesting concept. Not beasting...that's new. Hmm...once I learn how to put up a blurred "before" image, I shall...and maybe put up a new image every ten pounds. Wait, I may be getting ahead of myself. Let me break 200 first.